9 months/ Child-hood

So to this day September 30th 2010 its been exactly 9 months since my mom passed away.. :// Thats all i have on that subject,

Inspired by my friend Tashi's blog on child hood i decided to steal her topic :P sorry hon!
So any way she listed the things she missed as a kid... Well im going to do the same...


When you were a child i remember how boys had cooties instead of your heart. I remember how when the biggest drama was when some one stole your crayon or your blankie or dolly or pillow.

Remember how you used to laugh so hard you would turn a bright red? Or how shy you used to be before you broke that?

I miss how the only time i had to wak up before 10am was to get ready for something fun. I miss summer being way too long to me. How they used to be so boring... But yet so fun.
I miss how saying your sorry was always the way to make up for something you did.
I miss how when you whined about some things you would get what you wanted.
I miss wanting to do nothign but being out in the rain when it rained.
I miss watching little kids shows.
I miss saturday mornings.
I miss sneaking a R-rated movie into the VCR when my parents weren't home.
I miss staying up all night after my parents had told me to go to sleep.
I miss having my 1st best friend the old her... Not the her she is today.
I miss sinign the never ending song ont he feild trip bus.
I miss feild trips.
I miss the clubs that only you and your friends were allowed in.
I miss the fights me and my sinlings had.
I miss those days in school where there wasnt a rumor being spread every day.
I miss where the only time you were whispering a secret it stayed between the two.

I miss how i got more than 3 presents on Christmas day.
I miss making valentines for eveyr one in my class.
I miss waiting for the easter bunny to coem and hide eggs around the house.
I miss getting more than a hand full of candy on Halloween.
I miss pinching the people who didnt wear green on St. Patricks day.
I miss trying to stay up late for New Years Eve/Day.

I miss singing songs that were age appropriate.
I miss the shows on Cartoon Network that i knew every word to the theme song.
I miss reading books with pictures.
I miss the only homework we had to do was read a book for the night.

I guess most of all i miss being a child.


Thats it for now,
Your Wacky Little Writer,
Star :)

Homecomming. A cook out. And Coffee?

Homcomming. Next Saturday the 9th... To freshman its the biggest dance of their life; for sophmores like me and for juniors and seniors its just a dance to escape from home to hang out with friends from 8pm-11pm...

Freshman hang in their small groups and Sophmores-seniors spread through out. We dance have fun... And we enjoy this while there is no food and drinks table. We get sweaty and worked up! Life is so much fun right? :D
Maybe. Homecomming is the only dance you can go to if your:
1. a Freshman or a Sophmore
2. Not in JROTC
and
3. Not a Junior or a Senior.
If your a freshman or a sophmore Homecoming is the only dance you can go to.
If your in JROTC then you can go to Homecoming and!! The Military Formal (winter formal) but you need a date for that.
And if your a Junior or Senior then you can do Homecoming and Prom.
And you can do all three if your a Junior/Senior and in JROTC.

Cook out. Why! WHY NOW!? D: Finially i get to go to my dads friends house... And its on the night of homecomming!
They are my dads friends but they have horses and an awesomely HAWT son... Who possibly has a girlfriend but its fun to talk to him cause he likes to play video games and he is freakishly tall which makes him look older but hes not... hes my age :)

So i dont know what to choose. 'Cause i already have my homecoming dress. and i already told most every one that im going to homecoming. But i also want to go to the cook out because of the horses and i really have been waiting for a while to go to their farm. Not to mention their son.
And i dont think i can go to one with out feelings guilty about not going to the other. I might miss something. and i cant have that... :/

AND last of all


COFFEE!? Me i am drinking coffee. My momw as a coffee freaka nd i might become a coffe freak as well! Cause i am on my 3rd cup of coffee this day ! :D ok i know thats bad because i might not get to sleep for a while and onc ei crash i might be out like a light bulb xD

SO yes my fellow readers i am saying i am possibly becoming a caffeine addict xD

But thats all for now,
Your Wacky and Caffeine High Little Writer,
Star 8D

Ps. I think i might just so a pros and Cons list for the cook out and Homecoming :D xD

If you really knew me...

If you really knew me you'd know that i write these blogs to tell unknown readers things that i don't have the guts to tell other people. You'll also find that the confidence that i say i now "all the sudden" have isn't real. You'll find that i like people that i will like for a while, and that my self esteem isn't as high as i make it to be.
Being bullied all through elementary/grade school and loseing my mom last year. I look to people to make myself happy. If you really knew me you'd know everything. If you really knew me i'd tell you everything.
If you really knew me, You'd know i don't even know myself. I don't like how i look and i don't think i'm as skinny as most think i am. I get shy around new people and i cry sometimes about how i can't be with some one. I feel useless in most situations and i feel like im loseing everyone....

If you really knew me... Well thats the thing... You don't really know me... So whats the use in telling me things that arn't true about me. Or bullying me about things you've heard from others? If you truly tried to get to know me you'd know that most people just talk about me because they don't like me.

If you really knew me...

"if you really knew me you would know im not the person i seem to be, if you really knew me you would know that im not trusting of guys because of what i have been through growing up. If you really knew me you would know i'm in sports to stay out of trouble. if you really knew me you would know im not self confident like... I appear to be, i let the littlest things get to me. if you really knew me you would know i don't like talking to people. if you really knew me you would know that i dont say things just for the heck of it i mean what i say." -Courtney Lang-

If you really knew me you would know its hard for me to talk to new people.

"If you really knew me, you would understand why I do the things I do, how I learned to keep living after my mom passed away." -Matt-

If you really knew me you'd know im lifeless whne im alone.

"If you really knew me, youd know i think suacidle thoughts everyday, i am scared to be in relationships, im addicted to love, i feal like i need someone to tell me they love me everyday, i HATE who ive become, i only act like and dress like i do to get friends, not even my best friends know the true me because im to scared to tell them, i get judged by everyone before they even know me because im fat." -Lissa Renee Folland-

If you really knew me you'd know im addicted to haveing a boyfriend because i want to feel loved.

"If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not as mean as I appear to be; that I act the way I do to keep from being hurt and picked on by close-minded classmates." -Jessie Godsey-

If you really knew me i only act the way i do because im tired of being picked on.

"If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not as cocky or as confident as I portray myself to be. I'm the same insecure, scared little kid I have been since my parents divorced when I was 10. You'd know that I feel out of the 5 best friends I've really had in my life, are slowly slipping away. One's in Japan in the Navy, One I haven't talked to
since I moved across town when I was about 9, One's been avoiding me and the other two for about 2 months now, One of those final two is going into the Marines next year, and the last one will still be here after I try and move to college across the US by this time next year. You'd know that the only girl I truly think I fell in love with, I've lost due to her immaturity and the fact that she became scared of how close we became,
and I don't think I'll ever get her back. You'd know that I bottle up all my emotions until my breaking point, and I have trouble trusting myself to people. You'd know that I want to succeed so bad in life and be loved, I'd give anything to have it, after how hard and troublesome my childhood was. All my bonds and everything I knew in life is unraveling before my eyes in these next few years, and I'm scared to face it. I don't know how I'll come out of it. And lastly, you'd know that I act how I do, I dress the way I do, and hide like I do, because music and videogames are the only things that have helped me escape in my childhood and they're the only ways I know how to escape now. I am how I am because they're some of the only places I feel I fit in where people know my pain, sadness, ups and downs, and emotions through music and stories that many others don't understand until they've gone through it themselves." -Pat Olson-

If you really knew me you'd know that almost everyone close to me is slowly slipping away, that my emotions are never truly shown, ive lost everyguy that ive ever thought i've loved.

"If you really knew me.... then you'd know how much I hate my body. How insecure I feel when someone says I'm short. How horrible I feel when I see the bulges that appear under my shirt. You'd know that I love my girlfriend, and that I love almost everyone who is nice too me, and that hateful or negative words from others, playful or otherwise, pain me more than I can admit." -Julianna Carmouche-

If you really knew me you'd know that i suffer from a deep depression every day and that the smile i put on everyday isn't real. Or the fact that i've only had one or two real friends in my life. Or that new friends make me overly happy and too trusting. You'll know things that people say to me the small things really matter.

If you really knew me then you'll know that saying hi to me makes my day. If you really knew me then you'd know that calling me "pretty" or "beautiful" makes my self esteem higher, not by much, but its still higher. If you REALLY knew me you'd know that my heart has been broken so many times that i pain easily and i hide it just as easy...

So if you really knew me... You'd know that these things im going through im not alone. There are other people going through the same. They have a low self esteem, they have trusting issues. They've loved and lost. They've lost. They don't have as many friends or their loseing them.
I'm not alone... There are a lot like me... So next time you chose to bully me just remember... Theres more of us then there are of you... Chose who you pick on... One of these days we will snap and who knows what could happen...

If you really knew me you'd know my name isn't Star... Its Sara and im scared to admit that.

Meeeeeeeooooooooozzzzzzzeeeekkk (music)

So lately because of the guy that i havn't managed to stop blogging about or stop thinking about or stop talkign about... hahaha Because of him my music variety has widen on the horizons.

I liek a lot of death metal, screamo... Erm... all that stuff. I havnt learned which song goes to what band yet but im learning it takes time. HAHA!!

Im interested in lately is whitechapel, behemoth(spell check), um, Abnormality... >w> im still working on getting other band names... But for now those are main...

Ive already liked hard rock/metal bands thanks to my friend Kyle. But the horizon just widened when i was with the guy i keep talking about...

I know you are rpobably wondering why i never say his name... Well until i know for a fact that he HAS seen or even attempted at reading one of the posts about him then i wont ever say his anme out loud xDD

haha any how!
Thats all for now.
Your Wacky Little Writer,
Star :)