In 2007 in June/July my mom was dignosed with lung cancer. It started out as just "sympathy pains" from my uncle also being dignosed. Well so we thought. My uncle died of it before he went into surgury. That was the first time i ever cried at a funeral. My brother, Josh, was at an Army Basic Training camp that summer. My dad had broke the news to us the day my brother came back from the camp due to a medical reason. My dad told us that we caught it "early" i guess. Though, i was shocked i didnt know what to do. My brothers we're crying my sister was possibly doing the same. I just stared at the floor. After that we kinda just fell back into the normal routine of the day. My mom had went into surgury and they removed her whole lung. She went through chemo therapy and radiation. We thought it was over that she was done. Nothing to worry about right? Wrong, somethign infectious had gotten into her back. She went under surgury again. This time to flush out the infection. A tube going through her back, and one through her chest? I think..
Seventh grade, was rough, and not just because of family matters... -_-''... My mom kept smokeing. My dad had talked to her about it and she promised to quit. She never kept that promise. She would smoke when dad wasn't home. When he was home. When she left the house. She smoked when some one else was smoking. She still worked at Met life.
In 2008 round June/July again my mom was dignosed with cancer again. She under went surgury againa dn got rid of the cancer. Through out the year she had stopped going to work, she would sleep for days on end some times. She would miss work. One time it turned out she had some ribs broken too. They go in again and remove them. Sometimes when i was leaving for school i'd go out the side door to avoid seeing my mom laying in her chair asleep with her tubes so she would breathe.
When i'd get home i'd go straight to my room to do anything or get straight on the computer. Soemtimes i wouldn't come home for hours after school. And the second Friday would come i would ask to go to my best friends house. I hated being home. I hated knowing that slowly my mom was dieing.
I would find ways to get out of "bonding time" when it came to stuff like that. Though yet nothing really worked. My brothers had actual rooms to escape to, because they had tv's and cable, plus gameing systems. All i had was our somputer and friends houses.
In December on the 23rd. Me and my mom had a huge fight. She needed help tieing her shoes so i sat on the floor and i had little to no room so i sat back and i pushed the table back and it SLIGHTLY hit the tv and she freaked. So i sorta rolled my eyes and pulled the table back. She freaked out even more and started yelling and throwing things at me. She had a total freak out she threw her shoes at me and a few phone books then she flipped the whole coffe table. She yelled at me and saying that i hadn't ever helped her and i never do. When in fact i was basically the ONLY one helping her i was trying to keep my cool and not yell back but that over pushed it, i can take her throwing very hard things at me but telling me that i never helped her. That was over board. I had cussed at my mom for the first time ever. I Said exactly, "I don't ever help you? Really!? I am practically the only one who helpes you. Ive done nothing but fucking help you for the past two weeks!" after i said that i grabbed my shoes jammed them on my feet grabbed my phone and walked out the door. She was stil screaming when i left. I had no where to go so in the dead middle of winter i had walked the odd some miles to Kayla's house. I arrived on time to find them leaving i was in tears when i was explaining to kayla what happened.
My brother called me and yelled at me and i just hung up on him. Then my dad did the same except he didnt yell at me he just asked what happened. When i told him he gave me a lecture. So i hung up. I under stand that my mom is under stress, but what the hell about me? I was th eone taking care of her! My dad once he came home i d get barely an hour off. Because he'd eat then go straight to bed because he'd have to be at work again in a few hours. My brothers would go straight to their room and escape helping her. I got introuble a lot in school too.
Freshman year (2009-2010) started out great. I was starting High School. My mom seemed fine... Lifes supposed to get better for me right? I mean im out of middle school i go to a school where no one from middle school can make my life a living hell any more. Well wrong, the only boyfriend that seemed care the most (first) i treated like shit. Even worse after december.
Well in christmas me and my brother, Brandon, wen to a christmas party. And no one was really home. We got stuck a few times and finally arrived. We were having fun, then around 6 my mom had called my brother and asked when we were comming home, we were just leaving. "Why? Are you okay?" he had asked. he just had said "fine ok" when she replied and we left. He didn't tell me anything, until we were right awayon an easy road home. "She said she wasn't fine." he said an di just stared out the window it was quiet the whole way home. It was dark by the time we got home. We got home and went inside. My dad had explained the situation and i didnt talk i went to the kitchen sat down looked at the floor and jumped up right away when the ambulance came. My dad was goign to follow the ambulance the the hospital. Around midnight my brother came pounding on my door telling me to get dressed an ready our aunt is on our way to take us to the hospital. When we get there, my other brother, his fiancee, and others were there. i was there all night didnt go to bed until 5am.
A couple days later my dad had a talk with me, my brothers and sister about how my mom is on a chance of being on life suipport and we all agreed that she wouldn't like to be in the hospital relying on tubes inside her stay alive. And the fact of how long will it last until barely no one is showing up to see her? So we decided that we would just pull the plug if it came to that point. The next day the doctor had a talk with the family. She was basically on life support. My dad had spoke for us and told us that we had chose to pull it. At first we was going to wait the week to pull it on her birthday but after that day it was hard. We realized we would do it early in the morning. It took me almost a half hour to say I love you to my mom.
That night i went to my friend kaylas. I had hugged her mom and dad and started crying. I fell asleep on the couch. I stated to cry in my sleep and woke up when i started crying and screaming. I kept screaming "i want my mommy" and "Mom" I made Becky cry and Kayla cry i dont knwo about eveyr one else but i do know that i wasnt really left a lone and it took awhile for me to actually fall asleep. Kayla knew when i was about to cry because i guess i started twitching...
The first day back to school i didnt go back because i had to go to my moms funeral. Preston came... i was happy.. But inside it hurt. Really bad.
I didn't keep hold of that relationship with him. I couldnt handle the loss of my mom and a realtionship. I'd probably still be with him if he would have kept fighting for me even when i was going through this. If only he knew what it feels liek to lose his mom at age 14. Not even barely starting High school and i lose my mom.
I know its been 8months since she died. Though it's a hard subject still. My mom listened to me when i talked and didnt really give lectures she'd give me great advice when it came to hard times. I went to her for a lot. loseing my mom was the hardest thing ive ever had to deal with.
10-11 -- 10th (first real year with out my mom)
09-10 -- 9th (Death)
08-09 -- 8th (Second dignose)
07-08 -- 7th (First dignose)
"..And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel my pain
Just smile back.."
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