i seem to find myself....

I find myself smileing at the small things. When walking home from school after being dropped off at my late bus stop. I walk home from my stop and find myself smiling every time i know ive snapped a twig or crushed a leaf.

I find my self in deep thought lately, thinking about ntohing. But also thinking about anything. I see the life in others eyes, the hatered, the love, the fire, the cold, the warmth, the deadness, the sorrow. I see the fear and I see the life.
I see how one can stand to be with some one then... I see me.
For each of those I see myself. Standing in front of a mirror. kneeling down on my knees, bent over covering my ears. Rocking back and forth crying. When I look past my own self image and look into the mirror I see lifeless bodies. Color less. Full of emotion though, each representing each emotion. They all are whispering. At once. Its jibberish when I try to listen. Irritating when I try to block them out.
Sometimes only one speaks. And the Me standing in the mirror talks back to them. A few times the emotions fight and bicker.

I find my self lost. Lost in life. Lost in love. Lost.
I see nothing. I imagine myself alone on an island. Lost.
Lost is how I am...
Lost is how i am...
Lost.
Is.
How.
I.
Am.

I find myself.... Irritated. At the smallest things. I've sene myself get mad at things that normally wouldn't piss me off. Then I would be quiet. I hate being this way. This is why i try to keep a boyfriend. Because they normally make things better. They can hug me and kiss me and tell me things are going to be alright.

But not this time. Things are too complicated. THings are out of hand and out of bounce. I can't seem to find the right path when they all have ended up leading to the same dead end. There are 8 paths infront of me instead of two like normal.



I find myself.... Dead....



--Star