I never knew how much it would hurt to see that my, so called, best friend doesnt even want me as her Best Friend...
She may deny it, but really i read that post. And my heart sank.
Im sorry that i act 35; and i may bring this up all the time but if i havent told you enough, i was picked on and left alone in Middle School i didnt get time to hang with people my age it was either younger or older than me and most of the time it was older than me. So i grew up faster, so since about 7th grade ive always acted older than i was. Im sorry if you don't like that. Maybe thats why i piss you off a lot more than a "normal" best friend would do. And take things you say too seriously. Because ive grown up a lot faster, and if you never relized you piss me off quite a lot too.
I love you, and i DO mean that. I would sink Titanic II for you. You are my best friend. But After reading that, i dont think you feel the same any more.
I would change for you, and start acting 16 but..... No. If you cant handle Me as the way i am and deal how i act, like you had for the past 3 years... then why should i change now, just because you want me to act like i havnt grown up at all and still pretend like im in 9th grade... No, again i love you and id do anything for you. Hell id go to the non-exsistant Hell and back for you.
But after reading that. Maybe i should step down as your best friend and let you find this Best Friend that you want. Cause im not that, im not Kalin or Monica or Anthony. Im sorry i cant be like them and still be my age. Im sorry ive grown up too fast for you... And im sorry for everything cause i guess im not the perfect Best friend you want.
Im tired of fighting with you and acting like it never happened a hour later. Cause thats the main reason why our friendship is falling apart, we "joke" about it later how when we fight we "forget" about it later like it never happened but we both know it did happen. and i know we both are still thinking about it and trying to find a way to win the arguement. Even though we both know it wont be brought up again.
Im tored of the one always saying Im sorry even when things arent always my fault...
Oh, my bad im being a little self absorbent right now arent I? Im sorry i dont have perfect social skills. I dont TRUELY know how to act in social situtions thats why i always let you do the talking and the story telling and the one who made the choices. Why i always tried my hardest to make you happy especially when you're sad.
My recent try, i addmitt was a pretty stupid attempt. But you have to realize that i was still trying no matter how bitchy it had came out. But apperently. No matter what you'll always be 9 time out of 10 pissed off when around me and that you will always "only" maybe have 10% of fun with me...
Maybe i should stop being your friend now. Loose another best friend. But that wouldnt matter you still have Kalin, and Monica, and Anothny. it woud be like i never left, or even came into your life.
I can deal with the no friends to truley hang out with at school i dealt with it for 9 years another year and a half wont be anything for me. I have other friends.
Sorry im not your perfect dream Best Friend... No... Im sorry im not the Rachel that you lost.
Im sorry Im a fuck up Best friend.
Im sorry for even being alive in your world.
Im sorry life sucks with me in it.
Im sorry that you cant have fun all the time around me,
Im sorry that i act 35 instead of 16.
Im sorry for... that... I dont know.
Im sorry for everything,
Im sorry for being a bitch a lot of the time.
im sorry for being self absorbent a lot.
Im sorry.
I have no idea how many sorry's i have to say so you understand that no matter what im still your best friend in my mind and that i hope im still yours. But right now i dont even think i should be saying sorry. Cause its really pissing me off that you're JUST NOW telling me how you truely feel about me being your best friend.
Why this couldnt have slowly came out over the 3 years we've been "attached" by the hip so that way i could work on these things and be the perfect BFF you want. But you never did. Im not saying its your fault im this way in our friendship but i guess it could have been avoided. IDK But thats what happens when you age. You, GROW UP... and thats what ive done.
So if you wanna be a bitch and play the "You're an evil horrible best friend and i dont really even want you as my BFF" card. i COULD do the same. But im not, cause you know i DONT think.... AHEM i DIDNT think you were until i read that post.
And yet. Im still not pulling the card you've clearly pulled about 4 days ago... And im just now realizing its being pulled... Today. Clearly.
But you've had that card pulled for 4 days now. Ever since you posted that blog post. And yet im still not pulling that card on you. Cause you're still my best friend. And like a guy has told me recently
"Im not ending our relationship-thing-a-ma-bob what ever we have. you end it. And how ever you want it to be. Then so be it we'll be friends till the end for real or we"ll go our seperiate ways"
I want you as my best friend, With all of the bitchyness and the pissy moments we have the small fun times we have the serious talks the drooling over boys and the fights we have. The pissy times we have all the time the fun everything we alreayd have. Id take that. Its what this best friend does.i want our friendship the way it is. And im not changing so it goes from 10% to 95% or 9 outta 10 to 2 outta 10. I want it how we are.
But thats up to do. We stay as we are friends for ever. Or we go our seperiate ways.
Im done with this post.
I hope you know that i always read your post and the sinking of Titanic II will happen if i ever have to do so..
**STAR**
Ps. It was even better when i read how i wasnt even mentioned in the "Thing i do have" paragraph... Love you too...
I really do.
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