Well people....

Though ive figured that finals week sucks balls


Only becaus ei know i might have failed majority of my classes?
Sigh... the only problem with having high expectations of myself is that after a while of trying your hardest and doing the best you can... it gets tiring... Im tired of doing all that i can and exceeding in a lot of things in my life...
Like when i was 12 i knew right away how i wanted my wedding to be. Or what i was going to do after high school.

Then at 14 my mom dies and i feel even more obligated to make my dreams come true because i feel like that my moms spirit is watching me constantly seeing how well im doing. Seeing what im doing. Still being a mom..
And even though i dont believe in this heaven Vs hell thing i know that where ever she is she is watching over me... And ive made this pressure to make her proud of me even though shes not here.

And i cant stop... but im tired...
Ive slacked off this semester in my Jr year, its horrible i know! Scholar ships are gonna love that right? They're totally gonna chose to give money to a girl so she can go to college even though she was slacking her most crucial year of her high school life..

-_-;

Anyway what im saying is that ive fallen behind in classes that are EASY for me normally. And even though shes gonna read this... It kinda annoyed me the other day when my best friend decided to be a smart alec like she knows what classes are hard for me. When i told her that my french final will be hard she goes "Well i could've told you that." and when i told her that it isnt normally hard for me though but for some reason it was hard this time she again repeats, "Well i could've told you that." i dont thinks he realizes that some times the things she does and say annoys me. I try my hardest not to blow it out of porportion, which is why i havnt really said anything but it still isnt... right...

But shes not the point of my posts. Im saying that this year isnt going how i planned.

School is easy for me, its my sancuary my home and my life.
so why is it that this year i cant hold it together?
I try anf ind an answer the but the harder i search for it... the farther i get from finding it.
And that is irritatingly hard for me.
I know im slow at comprehension and a lot doesnt click right away. I understand that. but normally i still get it at some point with or without help from others.
But for some reason my high standards for myself have gotten WAY out of hand i mean sure. I would LOVE to have a high GPA of a 4.0 but i know that would never happen.
but the GPA i have now is enough for me to get the best of what i can make.

but like i said these standards ive set for myself? Ive gotten tired of trying to reach them. ever since i started middle school told my self i would excel in life and make something of myself. Ive gotten tired of being mature and doing more than i can chew. my plate is piled so high that im over wehlming myself. and when i try to take a few loads off i end up adding more.
because i want to prove that even though i dont comprehend as fast as i should be able to at my age that i can exceed that i can achieve my goals. So that way my dad and my mom can be proud of me.
so im able to get into the college i want but that doesnt change the fact of that im tired of all the hard work i have set my self up for.

BUT dont get me wrong ive still done my hardest this year... just with lesser effort than i should be putting into my school work. Like for example...
My pre-calc/trig class i know i can understand it and excel my best in it but the way ive started this year out... i have a feeling im going to have to bust my ass off to raise it up to exceeding 2nd semester.
As for finals this day for that class im going to have to try my hardest to just do what i can do. Get what i can get done. And try my hardest for everything and hope that i pass with at least a C on the finals. if i get that C i could POSSIBLY pass with a high C or a low B in that class. And if i can do that ill be able to make my self push my self to try harder next semester for that class.

As for my French class. I understand it. but the fact that i have to still try harder on this final to understand and comprehend what my teacher wants me to do. I hope that i can do what i need to do to pass and that i also pass ths final with at least a C...

So i know this list will be a little early for the year of 2012 but
i need to say my new years resolution.
Now or never.

First... Sleeping in class is ok a few times here or there but doing it every day will get me no where... So no more sleeping in my Pre-calc/trig class. its now or never to do the right things...

second... Even though hes annoying as hell be a little bit more like AJ in my French class make people STFU when the teacher is trying to tell us stuff. I love my French class and i love learning how to speak it. Its annoying as hell when you want to learn a language but others ruin the best for you.

Third... like in my self-revolution stop worrying about what boy i should go after next and who should become my next bf... Max may be gone and I may not be able to get that kind of feeling back for any one else, right now, the time should come on its own when it wants to if it wants to come along during High school.

Fourth... Try my hardest. And dont let anyone make me believe that i cant tackle the mountain of things ive piled onto my plate.


Thus all for now. :)

**STAR**