I've realized soon that, i get really demandive when im in a relationship. Especially the one i was in. I also realized how in past relationships ive discouraged my bf's to go into the army or military etc.
My reason for this is, if that relationship bloomed into more then anything and we ever ended up married, i didnt want to be the wide at home while her husband was risking his life. I didnt want to get a letter or a phone call to tell me, "You're husband died fighting for what he loved." or some bull-shit like that. I don't want to try and start a family and have to raise children on my own. I don't want to have kids that sit there and ask "wheres daddy?" all the time. I just plain don't want to be heart broken. And to be perfectly honest, i think iwould probably end up getting a divorce or cheating on the guy i ever marry and decided to go into the service. I'm not kidding.
The idea of being married and have a husband that i wont ever see never appeals to me. I don't think it ever will. I want some one there to make me smile when he comes home from work. Makes me surprize dinners for no reason, even if it means we end up getting take out any way. Some one who would purprize me with a secret date for our anniversary. Stuf that would make me smile on a daily basis.
I also want the person i marry to get into small fights with me because he annoys me. Some one that can make the pain go away just by kissing me. Someone that will be there for me even when he doesnt know what to do... Some one that even when i nag at him, he still doesnt mind being with me.
Where is this all comeing from? Well im watching this show on "lifetime" Called 'Coming Home' its about people seeing there husbands, boyfriends, etc. coming home from war or stations they were deported to. And i've cried about five times now. Just thinking about.. "What if that was me? In that situation??" I'd die... And when i saw them again i'd say "Don't go back. Don't put me through this again." I'd cry the first whole day he was there again, and I'd prolly commit suicide the day he went back.
ON A DIFFERANT NOTE.... I'm tired shot less and getting ready for school for the next two weeks. I'm starting to like block scheduling. It lightens my book load and it helps with the homework prob. I mean seriously. I have gotten most all my homework done for my even/odd day classes in the two days i have to do it then the one day ive had all year. I seriously love block sheduling... kinda.
I hate that i have to figure out two times that i go to lunch in the week. And that i have 90minutes of pure torchure in some of my classes. But hey its what ever. I hate that i never see.... HIM anymore... :/
But hey. I saw HIM this weekend :)
Anyway, g'night people.
**Star**
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