I know your some where... I dont know where. Daddy would say youre in heaven. I would say youre gone. to me right now. You're a box of ashes on the shelf in the dining room. In a way im a bit creeped out by it. But its reassurng knowing youre, kind of, close by.
So here's what you've missed since you've passed away. Brandons on probabtion... I tell him he should be in jail every time me and him get in a fight. Then dad tells me i shouldnt say that, because he doesnt like the fact that hes screwed up.. To me, personally, i think that he's the one who decided to drink illegally and drive under the influance and get like six thousand MIP's and fourty million DUI's so, i dont care. Besides he's been nothing but an annoying pest to me any way, He's nothing like a brother should be when his sister is in need of a brotherly touch... Stupid jerk face. Sorry. Anyway. I turned 15 five months after you passed away. Uhm, Lets see. After you passed away i broke up with Preston. I know you liked him.. but... no... He dated my best friend. And then cheated on her. And... no. Anyway! uhm. Kayla moved in with her mum down in Georgia... :/ I no longer have a reason to escape every weekend from the house. Im in my sophmore year now. i get pissy every time a teacher automatically tells me to show you something or call you or etc. The only teachers i know who remembers about you passing away from my freshman year is my counslor and my french teacher Madam Boltinghouse. Every one else im too scared to tell them. Uhm.. Im making a comic and writeing a chapter book. uhm.
I fell in love... And still am.. With the same guy. God i cry so much more now. Over you and him. Him cause i know he loves me, but we're not together any more. You cause i cant very much talk to you about this. Theres not one day now that i wish you were here to hear you say those motherly things you used to say. Especially when i come to you about guy problems... Dad doesnt understand that a father isnt soem one a teenage girl would want to come to for guy problems... He keeps telling me to get over him... i dont think anyone realizes its much easier said than done. Besides. Ive gone a good three months with out a boyfriend. I can last along time waiting for him.
ANYWAY, back to the updates, Uhm, OH! I got my nose pierced last year in June on Camryn and Kaylas birthday. Then this year on the 9th of February i got my belly pierced :) soon when i get a job im spending the first $100 for spider bites (a form of lip piercing). Camryn turned one last June. He turns Two here in 2 months. I got my Permit in January. I turn 16 here in a month and 8 days.
I baby sit for Crystal all the time now. I think Camryn's gonna grow up knowing his Aunty Sara more Than he'll know of Uncle Josh and Brandon or Grampa.
I joined ROTC, :) i am ranked Cadet Corpral. I have two cords, Sabre Team (i have an Arc for that too) and Courtesy Patrol too. I have four ribbons, uhm, one for courtesy patrol, service learning, uhm, i cant remember the othe two but im geting three new rewards this week.
One of my friends Acts like my mum now. xD its kinda funny. She gives me motherly(ish) friend advice. Its kinda nice.. Though its nothing compared to you.
Ive been looking at colleges a lot more than usual.
Thats about all the updates i can give right now. I love and miss you Momma. I wish i had been mor eof a daughter to you when you were sick. Oh i almost forgot, I go to this greiving camp thing called "Camp Hope" its nice to be surrounded by people who are goinng through the same thing. Its been a Year, three months and 17 days since you passed away... and im ok now when people do the "your mum" joke i play a little joke on them as well. but its still hard. Especially here soon. My 16th birthday is going to be hard for me to go through with out you. Especially since im going to a summer camp thing for ROTC for half of the morning of it then im going home to a house getting a happy birthday wish from Daddy and then spending the rest of it up in my room. Sigh. i miss you momma. Cant you just come back?
I love you.
--Sara
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