If you really knew me...

If you really knew me you'd know that i write these blogs to tell unknown readers things that i don't have the guts to tell other people. You'll also find that the confidence that i say i now "all the sudden" have isn't real. You'll find that i like people that i will like for a while, and that my self esteem isn't as high as i make it to be.
Being bullied all through elementary/grade school and loseing my mom last year. I look to people to make myself happy. If you really knew me you'd know everything. If you really knew me i'd tell you everything.
If you really knew me, You'd know i don't even know myself. I don't like how i look and i don't think i'm as skinny as most think i am. I get shy around new people and i cry sometimes about how i can't be with some one. I feel useless in most situations and i feel like im loseing everyone....

If you really knew me... Well thats the thing... You don't really know me... So whats the use in telling me things that arn't true about me. Or bullying me about things you've heard from others? If you truly tried to get to know me you'd know that most people just talk about me because they don't like me.

If you really knew me...

"if you really knew me you would know im not the person i seem to be, if you really knew me you would know that im not trusting of guys because of what i have been through growing up. If you really knew me you would know i'm in sports to stay out of trouble. if you really knew me you would know im not self confident like... I appear to be, i let the littlest things get to me. if you really knew me you would know i don't like talking to people. if you really knew me you would know that i dont say things just for the heck of it i mean what i say." -Courtney Lang-

If you really knew me you would know its hard for me to talk to new people.

"If you really knew me, you would understand why I do the things I do, how I learned to keep living after my mom passed away." -Matt-

If you really knew me you'd know im lifeless whne im alone.

"If you really knew me, youd know i think suacidle thoughts everyday, i am scared to be in relationships, im addicted to love, i feal like i need someone to tell me they love me everyday, i HATE who ive become, i only act like and dress like i do to get friends, not even my best friends know the true me because im to scared to tell them, i get judged by everyone before they even know me because im fat." -Lissa Renee Folland-

If you really knew me you'd know im addicted to haveing a boyfriend because i want to feel loved.

"If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not as mean as I appear to be; that I act the way I do to keep from being hurt and picked on by close-minded classmates." -Jessie Godsey-

If you really knew me i only act the way i do because im tired of being picked on.

"If you really knew me, you'd know I'm not as cocky or as confident as I portray myself to be. I'm the same insecure, scared little kid I have been since my parents divorced when I was 10. You'd know that I feel out of the 5 best friends I've really had in my life, are slowly slipping away. One's in Japan in the Navy, One I haven't talked to
since I moved across town when I was about 9, One's been avoiding me and the other two for about 2 months now, One of those final two is going into the Marines next year, and the last one will still be here after I try and move to college across the US by this time next year. You'd know that the only girl I truly think I fell in love with, I've lost due to her immaturity and the fact that she became scared of how close we became,
and I don't think I'll ever get her back. You'd know that I bottle up all my emotions until my breaking point, and I have trouble trusting myself to people. You'd know that I want to succeed so bad in life and be loved, I'd give anything to have it, after how hard and troublesome my childhood was. All my bonds and everything I knew in life is unraveling before my eyes in these next few years, and I'm scared to face it. I don't know how I'll come out of it. And lastly, you'd know that I act how I do, I dress the way I do, and hide like I do, because music and videogames are the only things that have helped me escape in my childhood and they're the only ways I know how to escape now. I am how I am because they're some of the only places I feel I fit in where people know my pain, sadness, ups and downs, and emotions through music and stories that many others don't understand until they've gone through it themselves." -Pat Olson-

If you really knew me you'd know that almost everyone close to me is slowly slipping away, that my emotions are never truly shown, ive lost everyguy that ive ever thought i've loved.

"If you really knew me.... then you'd know how much I hate my body. How insecure I feel when someone says I'm short. How horrible I feel when I see the bulges that appear under my shirt. You'd know that I love my girlfriend, and that I love almost everyone who is nice too me, and that hateful or negative words from others, playful or otherwise, pain me more than I can admit." -Julianna Carmouche-

If you really knew me you'd know that i suffer from a deep depression every day and that the smile i put on everyday isn't real. Or the fact that i've only had one or two real friends in my life. Or that new friends make me overly happy and too trusting. You'll know things that people say to me the small things really matter.

If you really knew me then you'll know that saying hi to me makes my day. If you really knew me then you'd know that calling me "pretty" or "beautiful" makes my self esteem higher, not by much, but its still higher. If you REALLY knew me you'd know that my heart has been broken so many times that i pain easily and i hide it just as easy...

So if you really knew me... You'd know that these things im going through im not alone. There are other people going through the same. They have a low self esteem, they have trusting issues. They've loved and lost. They've lost. They don't have as many friends or their loseing them.
I'm not alone... There are a lot like me... So next time you chose to bully me just remember... Theres more of us then there are of you... Chose who you pick on... One of these days we will snap and who knows what could happen...

If you really knew me you'd know my name isn't Star... Its Sara and im scared to admit that.