The Future

So i dont know... Im so confused now.
I want him, but in a way im only a sophmore. What if hes not "The one".
But also what if he is.
I dont want to wait to find out hes not, but i also dont want to give up and find out he was.

So confused.
I want him, but i dont.
I need him, but i dont.

Ive been thinkning about the future. I want to be a graphic designer my ultimate goal? Be apart of the Pixar animators in California. best dream ever!!!
If i wait that goal might not be acheived if i dont. i might feel horrible for not waiting,
Why do i care about this? Well every one wants to go some place differant to work.
Thus meaning this guy i kinda want to wait for wont end up the same place as me.

And how do i knwo he'd want to be there.
Im kinda of confuseing
I want to live in the country, but work in a huge city... -_-;;
very confuseing...


I have my whoel life planned through... Literally. i have a binder in my room called "My Plans HiSch & Beyond"

It goes from high School stuff to College, to my wedding, to where i want to live, to children names, floor plans of my house. etc.

Im very well planned out... Of cours ei know everything wont go according to plan and ill have to switch things around as new people (guys) come and go.
THough i guess the one thign im mainly scared about is.

I always think that i wont meet some one interesting after High school. I figure if i dont meet them in a school i wont meet them at all.

Im more terrified of dieing alone and not married with out any children, than i am about getting into college or even a job or living my dreams.

Which is probably why im holding onto this guy so much.
I do love him i do... But im a confusing mess right now...

I need some asprin...


Ill blog tomarrow (maybe)

**Star**