ok so tasha bear told me to not let anything hold this back. Im going to vent.
Im getting this break up and how i really feel off my chest.
Then im done whining.
So even when i say im fine at the moment its easy to tell im not. Im miserable at the moment. Everytime i see some one holding hands with some one or getting a kiss its worse than before. I done just want to decapitate them id liek to see them explode or shredd them to pieces >:|
I also hate it when i look to my friends for support, not to talk about it but for liek a "im sorry" or a hug. Not for when i do try to explain what's happened for them to say "I know how you feel" Or "You'll find some one new, theres other guys."
Look really? No you dont. No one does. They may have gone through something liek what im going through but you dont know HOW i feel about the situation. Im differant from you. And what if i dont want any one else, what if i feel like ive found THE ONE. The one guy i know who'll treat me right with out even trying. What if for once i can see my self growing old with this guy, getting married, spending my life with him? What if i do? I dont want to go off and "find" some one else or "meet some one new"
No i dont. SO stop sugesting i will. because for once in my life. I dont want another bf, i dont want to find some one else.
I want this guy. Ive had my share of crappy relationships. Up until last week our relationship was JUST FINE!!!
I mean it was wasnt it? i was happy i think he was too.
Sigh any way. He has good reasons and i would like to just tell him that maybe we can stay together and just hang out? I mean he doesnt have to sweat the skin off his body just to make me happy. Just knowing he's mine and i can go up to people and tell them hes mine. Im ok with that. That's happy making enough... I just wish he knew that... I guess thats why im venting.
Cause i dont want to cause trouble with him having to feel guilty for doing somethign that makes his life easier, for now.
Not to mention how mucch more awkward it would get when or if i told him. So... i dont know.
I guess thinking that he would want the same thing as i do is why this is so much more harder for me? I guess maybe making it seem like i need ot be baught things or taken places made this desicion of his so much easy. I guess the only reason why i did that was because i wasnt in very many great relationships that i grew up with thats what a good bf does. but then being with him was all i needed.
I was satisfied with what i had.
I feel like im the reason why he broke up with me now... I guess this is why i never wanted to vent this in the first place. I didnt want to end up blaming myself for everything.
Sigh, im bad at venting. All im saying is, stop telling me that theres some one new out there for me. i dont want some one new. i want him. Only him.
he was just perfect for me. I saw myself growing old with him spending the rest of my life with him. I was hopeing maybe that would have kept us together, i mean he was looking for some one like that.. I was looking for some one to finally make me happy with out trying.
My thoughts on this break up still remains in his hands. If he wants me ill be waiting, if he doesnt then, well i guess ive gained a really great friend...
Sigh... So im done venting ill stop ermm ill try to stop being so depressed.
((no promises on valentines day though...))
Thats all.
**Star**
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