FFLDLS:
That's what I feel like right now.
I have amazingly awsome friends, they love me and I love them back, but its 27days until the end of the year and I won't see some of them next year. I just got a social life after 9years of being harrassed and ultimately scarred (emotionally and sorta physically). Elementary and Middle school wasn't great for me, not having many friends then going from a complete loser to a medioker popular chick is a completely HUGE step for me. Though not happy for me, there might be a chance that i might not have as many friends next year anymore.
Ceirra, My best friend at Burke isn't coming to Burke anymore :( (Stupid Millard district being everywhere) :(
Crushes... too many of them >..< what do you expect from a girl who has an natural flirtatious mind???
Ok I'm going to stop ranting about Friends.
Family,
(Hopefully my family doesn't read this)
I AM ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST CONFESSION I'LL EVER MAKE IN MY LIFE...
My dad, Nana, Sister, Brother, Brothers Fiancee, ok basically my whole entire family... They believe in God. They worship, GOT baptized, saved, ETC.
I, on the other hand, just CAN'T ever believe... Just not in my life will i ever believe. I know once my family (if they do read this) reads this they will freak. They think i should be all holy and Jesus is my savior and all that crap. They might say im poossessed by satan and i need an exorsism, my dad might skinnm e alive and give me a huge ASS lecture over how i should believe... I am sorry if i dissapoint anyone. I just cannot come to the right mind and believe some all and powerful being created what we have today within 7 WHOLE fucking days. It's just not right to me, and i'm sorry if i dissapoint any one.
SO yeah, I'm an athiest. BUT don't get me wrong i think there's a place everyone goes to when they die, liek their special happy place. Somewhere where they can be with their loved ones again. And i believe that there are such things called the barder lands. Where lingering souls stay and haunt the living until a open body is with out a sould so they can possess that and live a second life. I know that i'll be one of them :)
So basically my family is an over religious family that make me feel liek the second i tell them that i don't believe in god that i'll be skinned alive and i might have to sit through an exorsism that won't ever happen. :/
So again i'm sorry any family that reads this...
Stoping the rant on Family.
Love is my next subject. Love isn't what i would call that i feel for any boyfriends that i have had. I think i've had deep affection for some of them. but i don't know if i love them until after 3 months. Preston, i slightly loved you. not as much as i thought i would. Tom M. is the only one that i've actually loved until he broke my heart by the 6th, 7th, and 8th month we were together, I couldnt handle the pain so i broke up wiht him and now i have formed the hoplessly STILL in love with Tom club.. So far, that i know of, there are 3 people in that club (that includes me).
Anyway love. Theres nobody really out there that i tru--- scratch that there is BUT i am not telling anyone who HE is... But huge hint its nobody that lives in state and its not Xavier. (sorry people) He is to remain unknown until i can be with him for a periods of time.
Stopping the rant on love.
Drama, 4 words. Too much of it!
Lonliness, not much on that subject concluding that all it is that when im single i feel SUPER lonley. and so on so forth.
Suucide, I will admitt ive thought about it over 2,000,000,000 times. And have attempted it 5 times. Each time someone has stopped me and only once have i stopped myself. i am proud of myself....
(Quick rant on nothing imparticular)
I turn 15 here soon. I'm going to get my permit. Also i'm (hopefully) going to get a job at (Marcus Theatres) Tween Creek Cinema. Once i get a job i'm going to save for a few things, this summer i am changing everything about me.. my look mainly and how i act. then for a while i am going to save MY WHOLE ENTIRE check, though wont be much, for a car. :) I love haveing a plan for my life knowing what i want and knowing if i work hard i'll get it. (See dad i do to listen. i just don't like when you lecture. Love ya)
Well this can summ it up for more than one post for today Love you all readers keep coming back it works when you work it :D that was my poor attempt to recite my moms NA meeting phrase hehe.
Your Wacky Little Writer,
Star :)
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