Too Many Topics at Once

life is a cruel Journey. With each step it gets harder or impossible.
It has it's ups and it has it's downs.
You can never have the perfect life it's just not possible.

Today, was a fair day.... This weekend was horrible.... First me and Xavier break up... and then I end up hurting him, something I warned him about I don't know how many times. I also was the reason him and Cody aren't friends anymore. I'm probably the reason why Cody's last chance was used... Betrayal from him or not it was still my fault.
Yesterday and today got a bit better though... Me and Xavier are just going to stay friend and maybe in the future me and him will get back together and try it out again.... Because then we'll be more mature and I'll have my head on straight hopefully. Now it's onto figuring out the other two guys I like... There was 3, but more on this part later...

Music. My mood changer. Right when I was feeling ashamed, and depressed. I listened to Carmell Dansen and I danced to it. Heh, lets just say it's a really mood lifter. :)
And, it kind of stopped me from being half way done with this blog. So music helps me with a lot of mood problems. A lot of the time, though, the mood I'm in I sometimes want to stay in that mood.
The moods half the time I want to stay in are mainly; sad, happy, and angry.
The moods that I never like to stay in are; depressed, frustrated, confused, and irritated.
Depending on the mood I play music to how I want to feel.

Friends give me the best uplifting ever. Especially the ones who actually give me advice. I mean, it's pretty amazing how I went from a social out cast to having all of these amazing friends. I mean I'll admit I still have those friends that really don't help at all and kind of make me feel like shit, but there will always be friends like that no matter what. Though the friends that just make my day are amazing. To name a few theres;
Christine, Vannah, Xavier, Fluffy, Skittles, Ace, Bubbles, Cody, Joel, Sara, Jessica, Ceirra, and a lot more.
They just put a smile on my face when I'm talking to them or I'm by them. A lot of them just have to give me a hug and that's what makes my day. Having friends are the best thing in the world and knowing I actually have them now I cherish it the most... Though it's some getting used to I still cherish it the most and having friends is something I want to keep...

Trust. This weekend Xavier's brother was asking me and Xavier if we trusted each other. Xavier, of course, said he did trust me. Me, well, if y'all knew what I went through you'd understand that I can't exactly trust many people. Especially when I'm dating some one... It's just years of social abuse (emotionally and physically) that had scarred me. Sorry Xavier.

Dating. Well y'all know about the situation between me and Xavier. Well, yesterday we originally agreed on a week for me to decide who I really want to be with.It went from practically 3 down to 2, down to 1, back up to 3, then down back to 2.
At first it was Xavier, Cody, and Joel. Then I decided that me and Xavier are better off as friends. Then I thought well maybe Joel only really truly likes me as a friend. So then it was just Cody, but then I was having second thoughts on Xavier. Then I realized that my friend Josh wanted to go back out with me and I like him still. SO i was battling 3 again. Weighed the Pro's and Con's then realized that maybe me and Xavier should just stay friends. Now the battle's between Josh and Cody... I don't know if either of them will wait for me if I don't choose them... Huh, I guess knowing a guy would wait for me is a fantasy...
(And again Xavier I wasn't planning anything between me and Josh, just the way I had been acting lately I kept thinking you was going to break up with me so I told him give the rest of our relationship 2weeks, but I told him no promises)

Advice. The best Advice my friend Bettijean has ever given me was "Well all guys are just taste testers, eventually you're going to get fed up with the same test and want a new sample until you find the right one." Basically she's talking about boys. Of course. She was giving me the best guy advice ever. Also it's completely true, girls, if you're having guy problems like me right now. Then understand this, if you're still just dating around or are my age and hiving the problems EXACTLY like me well guys are just taste tester's at the moment. You can't exactly fine the one right away. Plus only 10% of the couples married had been together since High School, and well if your out of high school then well you're not going to be part of that 10%.

Well its about midnight and I have school to-marrow.
Good night readers.
Your Wacky Little Writer,
Star :)