Okay, Starters...
Life. Life sucks. I suck. We all suck. Being a teenager with rummaging hormones makes life complicated and makes life worse. Especially if you have a bf/gf (bf in my case) and your a overly obsessive flirter (In which I am) and not to mention being the reason for your boyfriends depression. Not to mention I am having dateing problems...
In with that comes my next topic, DATEING. I have noticed lately that, I try to hard to get Joel to notice me and make him WANT to be with me, and less time with my boyfriend. Now I'm starting to realize girls really do want especially what they can't have. I CAN'T have Joel and I really WANT him. I do not know why okay? Don't go asking me why because I honestly don't know why I neglect the guy that would do anything for me. Or why I'm haveing second thoughts on weather I wanna be with him or not. Or why I insist on telling people who arn't even reading this. Or even try to get all my feelings out on a blog that nobodies going to fucking read because no body visits my other sites anyway so why try now?
So again lets recapp whats been said my life sucks, I have a possible leading to the dead end road relationship. I have friends that might utterly hate me if I hurt Xavier (my bf) I just utterly DON'T know any more I wish life wasn't so complicated and you meet the man meant for you the second you start likeing guys... So that way we don't have to spend half our lives not only focusing on our future, but trying to find the one we want a furture with.
To say off being alone in the world isn't what I plan to do, I want to grow up and grow old-ish with soemone. I want to someday be giving the same lectures my parents give me to children of my own.
I may not be ready for the real world, but I am prepared for the heart breaks of the true relationships out of high school thats for sure.
Then again there may be a point in time when I realize guys shouldn't mean the world to me, but shit. They. Mean the fucking universe to me now. And right now that's all I want/need. Is to feel wanted by the guy I like. AND I mean really LIKE. The like where I'm not feeling like at any minute I'll cheat on Xavier because this other guy likes me and I like him back, NO I want something differant something that works. Somthing where I'm NOT constantly thinking weather we'll work out or not NO not that I want nothing of a relationship like that... I just want dateing to be simple.. Not complicated as it is right now.
Well I have a room to clean. Readers, if you're there. Ill blog again in a few hours. C'ya.
Your Wacky Little Writer,
Star :/
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