Multy Topic/Songs

For this post I'm listening to my MP3 player now every time it changes a song while I'm typing this on my Droid I will stop press enter, even if I'm in mid sentence, and tell you what song I'm listening to. This is gonna be interesting. :)

Starting song: Here in your arms - Hellogoodbye

So the one thing I hate about after spring break is the fact that its April. Now in April when you're in school you get no days off. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zéro. Then when you get to May you all the sudden get days off again??? Shouldn't it be another way around? Dx oh well. I honestly don't care. Ok I do but. Not all that much. The one thing I'm dreading about May is finals week. The one thing I'm dreading after break is the two-three weeks of block scheduling. I don't even remember if we did that last year. I know we do it for finals

Song: Here we go again - Demi Lovato

But it kinda is annoying, cause it goes Monday regular days then odd days Tuesday and Wednesday. Even days Thursday and Friday. Dude good thing I have pottery on an even class. I would hate to end a week with chemistry. Ugh. I hate chemistry class.
So yeah. But it tends to get annoying. No days off in April but days off in the last month of school. Best part about going to burke is that its the only

Song: Hey - Michell Musso

High school that gets out a day early then the other schools in the district. I love my school on that

Song: Hey jealousy - hit the lights

Part any other time it sucks Haha ...
New subject. On the 19th is the military ball for ROTC. I'm some what freaking jutting. I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm scared. Idk any so much more. I need to find something red.... preferably. Hair accessory. Haha.

Song: Higher - Creed

I also need to figure out how Ima put up my hair. I also need to figure out my friends address so my dad can pick him up. lol
Hopefully I can enjoy my break. And not worry about most. Also hopefully i will get through this Spring Break with out missing someone... Nevermind... thats not going to happen...
Anyway, Military Ball. The dress im wearing i was hoping to wear to Prom. But i dont mind it really. What i do mind is who im not going with to the Miliatary Ball.
:/......... Ok, so Today was some what cool.
I got to talk to the guy i love. I got to hang out with people after school. I wasnt in heels xD And It was just all around Fun. :D

Song: Hot - Avril Lavigne

I cannot wait for the summer! Swimming, tanning, Free time all around, lazy ness, Staying up late, Sneaking out xD, Sneaking people over, slumber parties, Staying the night at others houses, Staying Out late. Parties!!! :D
The Life of a teenager in high school. Is. Just. So. Freaking Awesome!

Song: Hot and Cold - Katy Perry

I read a book called My Most Excellent Year {C'est une fantastique libre, its a fantastic book} And i decided to do some quotes fromt he end of the book that i think relate to me :)

Song: Hotel Room - Pitbull

Part: Practically Seniors
Chapter: Augie
Quote; "I figured out in ninth grade..." (Skips some parts that dont relate to me) "I figured out that it's not just the people we love, but the people we let love us back who show us how high we can soar."

Song: How low - Ludacris

Part: Practically Seniors
Chapter: Alejandra
Quote; "In spite of what I'd brought myself up to believe, it turns out that i didn't know everything."

Song: How to Save a Life - The Frey

Quote; "It doesnt really matter what it's about. Believe me, when pushed, I can still make a big deal out of just about anything----even if it's mayonnaise."

Part: Pratically Seniors
Chapter: T.C.

Song: How you Remind Me - Nickelback

Quote; "Even though i didn't notice it while it was happening, i got reminded, in ninth grade of a few things I guess I should have known all along:
1. A first kiss after five months means more than a first kiss after five minutes
2. Always remember what it's like to be six

Song: Hypnotized - Plies Ft. Akon

3. Never, ever stop believing in magic, no matter how old you get. Because if you keep looking long enough and don't give up, sooner or later you're going to find Mary Poppins. And if you're really lucky, maybe even a Purple Balloon."

Ok maybe that last quote with number's one and three dont quite fit what im thinking of but it some what relates to a situation of mine so :P

Song: I Don't Care - Fall Out Boy

Anyhow, it's a good book. I loved it. I related mostly to T.C becaus ehe lost his mum to cancer, kinda like i did. Speaking of books. A lot of the books that authors are publishing today would have been much usefull when i wa sin middle school. Cause the books i read today are doing more

Song: I gotta feeling - Black Eyed Peas

Help with my self-esteem then the books that i had decalred my only other friends in middle school. I mean REALLY? WTF!?
My Most Excellent Year Is just one example of a book that have been helping me with my self esteem. I mean friends help too. But a book would never judge me by how i am or how i look, unlike what humans can do. Also, quite frankly its because of humans that i have such a low self esteem. So anyway. Books are quite easy to help me get related to most parts. Mainly cause i pick books with characters with problems like my own. But i dont know that i just choose books depending if the cover interests me. :)

Song: Bow Chicka Wow Wow - Mike Posner Ft. Lil Wayne

Changing subject, Music... XD
Ive realized i mostly only listen to songs that can express how i feel. Its kinda funny.

Song: Disturbia - Rihanna

And not to mention i listen to mostly love songs. Yet i hate love songs xD.
Prolly the most favorite love songs i love to listen to at the moment that i dont exactly hate, is "Mike Posner - Please Dont Go" and "Katy Perry - Teenage Dream" For reasons that SHOULD me obvious.

Song: Feel Good INC. - Gorrilaz

Sigh i dont knwo how many songs ive gone through while typing this post xD
Its prolly extrra long. So many types of topics to discuss.

O,O i had moster today!!! :D I jacked a lighter! I had fun after school! I caught up with my 30 Day Challenge Thing on FB! AND I got to Talk to the one i love :D
Today was FUCKING amazing! :D XD AND tomarrow i

Song: Fuckin' Perfect - Pink

get to drive hence forth why i am not staying after tomarrow O.o
Sad face xD
This weekend Was amazing thouh! :D I got to do somthign ive been wanting to do for a month now. :)
It was the highlight of my weekend. The second highlight was my nephew learned my name!!! He's almost two. And he says "Sawra" xD SO CUTE!
My friend Tasha made this Little skit of what it was prolly like teaching my nephew to call me "Sara" and not "Momma" (He only knew Momma around me cause i only baby sitt him on the weekends so yeah)

Song: Girl Next Door - Saving Jane
Song: Im With You - Avril Lavigne

"lol. I can see you doing that tooo. Just sitting right in his face. 'Saaaara.'
'Momma?'
'No. Sara. Saaaara. 2 syllables, four letters. SARA'
'Momma?'
'No! SARA'
..."Star?"
'WTF?! You can say star, which i never even taught you, but you can't say SARA?! I quit *angry face*'

most funniest thing i ever heard from Tasha :D

Song: Just a Dream - Nelly

Ok im going to do a quick, lines from my fave songs anf then end this post xD

Song: Liquify - The Servants

Just a dream "I was thinkin about her, thinkin about me.
Thinkin about us, what we gonna be?
Open my eyes, yeah; it was only just a dream."

Song: (xD) Me So Horny - The 2 Live Crew

Teenage Dream (The whole damn song)

Song: S&M - Rihanna

These Things I'll never say "If I could say what I want to say
I'd say I wanna blow you... away
Be with you every night
Am I squeezing you too tight
If I could say what I want to see
I want to see you go down
On one knee
Marry me today
Guess, I’m wishing my life away
With these things I’ll never say
It don’t do me any good
It’s just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What’s on my mind
If it ain’t coming out
We’re not going anywhere
So why can’t I just tell you that I care"

Grenade "Cause what you don't understand is
I’d catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
I’d jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah , yeah)
You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)
Oh, oh
I would go through all this pain,
Take a bullet straight through my brain,
Yes, I would die for ya baby;"

Ending Song: Sombody To Love - Usher

Haha Ok well i have more lyrics i'd like to post but this is by far the longest multiple topic ive had in ... ever. So im ending it on this note and Taking my shower now :)

**SKS/Star**

Spring atlast, daylight savings and babysitting, and other random shit i can think of to rant and ramble on about.

I am at My sisters. Watching "The Titanic" at what it seems to be 4am. Im tired shitless, but yet at the same time wide awake. It's funny how my brain works on the weekend oppose to the week day. Any how I am very excited as to the fact that it is spring at last and I can stop wearing a Damn winter coat to school soon Haha. There is also the fact that I will he turning 16 this year in May. Oh happy days. Too bad I won't be getting my licence this year, because I barely get to drive already it'll be 2013 before I get my licence Haha. But that's only because winters I won't be able to get much drive-inng practice in because my dad works late hours and goes to bed way early and I stay after school a lot and normally don't get home until 530-6 o'clock.
Anyway I love the spring its not too hot but its not all that cold either. It's not warm all that much either. It's a weird weather for me. And to me. It's, Erm, confusing to explain xP
Anyway! Tonight I guess Daylight Savings started because I was freaking out the whole time my phone seemed to have looked like it was fucking up again. I mean I'm normally asleep when it occurs so when I was awake when it happened I was like "wtf?!???" Because it went from being 1:59am to 3am I was like O.o holy shit cows what the fuck just happened? Is my phone fucking up is it being a shit head and being a dumb ass???? XD turns out no its not daylight savings just was occurring. Haha I like how I cursed at inappropriate times but it still made sense xD

Ok on a much serious note. On March 19th there's a busy busy day for the first day of spring break. First from 8am to 3pm I'm going to this Teen CERT thing for ROTC its like an emergency responce team for the school. Then when I get back home at like 4pm ill be getting ready for the Military Ball/Spring Formal because we're going to arrive early so we can sit with my friends. we're going to arrive at 630pm so that gives me two hours and a half to get my ass ready for the dance. I still havnt figured how I am to do my hair. my dad took me shoe/break shopping xD the shoe shopping was ok I went biserk cause I wanted to try on all the shoes I liked but knew we getting the first pair I tried on any how. I knew we were going to get those shoes from when I first tried them on but I've never been heel shoe shopping before so of course I wanted the expirience of being a girl in a situation much like this it was so much fun but my dad was like "C'mon now" so after 30minutes of putting on and walking around and taking off heels I finally received my dad grabbed the first pair I put on and we baught them went to eat dinner then went and baught a strapless bra for my dress. :)
so now that's that.
Oh great news for the next two year that I'm in high school my dad s subjecting me to full blown embarrassment in public. Oh I cannot wait til the date he's going on blossoms and ill show him embarrassing. >:D
Haha no I won't be that mean to the woman. But I'm not kidding
Speaking of which. If this does blossom I swear if she gets in my way of getting my
last few peircngs then all hell will break loose. Cause I wouldst care if she where to be my soon to be step mum. If she gets in any way of me getting my eyebrow and lip pierced, and I have to wait till I'm 18 to get them pierced, she will never be on my good side. And she better be prepared to work with a spawn of Satan bitch of a daughter other wise my daddy better start looking for a new woman again. But if she doesn't get in my way then :) hello new mom.
Any way... I have a huge head ache. I've been writing my book lately. I kinda tohave to Tasha won't let me if I even mention the book she's all like "O.o holy shit cakes ARE YOU NOT DONE YET!?!" but no I'm not I tell her the plot to it though like some future events that will happen. She's the onpy one that's read chapter 6 before I've typed ity up. Anyway thus all for this post. If I for got anything that I put in the title sorry. Maybe next time.

**Star**

Scary Wednesday!

Ok so most of you, if your readers from my FB, will know that i had a Panic Attack Wednesday.

Heres what happened.

Wednesday;
Morning- Woke up got ready for school broke out in hives. :/
At school i was doing fine i was ignoring the itchiness.

Bell rang. Fun begins.

I have ROTC first hour. We did formations and took attendance, we then all changed into uniform for inspections. Then after we got back into formation the class leader inpsected me and the rest of squad one. By the time he got to the second person in the second squad i started feeling naucious.
I felt like i was going to faint so i bent my knees a bit more then they were, by the time they finished squad three. My hearing kinda started to deafen and i started seeing little white spots. When we were dismissed i went to master Sargeant for a pass to the nurse. my motor skills kinda went away because i almost fell when i was walkign to get the pass.
After i got the pass and walked back to the girls little room we change in, i was going to change out of my uniform back into my regular clothes then go to the nurse. But when i entered the room to change i collapsed and i started paniking and hyperventalating. I was holding my chest and all i heard was the other girls asking "Whats wrong? Sara!? Whats wrong???" Then i heard them all scream, "Master Sargeant! Master Sargeant!!!?!!!?" then i blacked out.
I came to on a mat out of the room, i was breathing a bit less hard but still rapidly and short. The nurse came and i was breathign a bit better.
They asked if i had asthma, no.
did i eat anything to cause this, no.
Had i eaten anything that morning, no.
Is it normal not to eat anything in the morning, yes.
Can you tell me what happened?
*the whole story*
Ahh ok, do you think you can walk to the office with me or do you want to ride the wheel chair up there, ( :D WHEEL CHAIR!!!! ) i dont think i want to try walking right now.
I went up there and i layed down, i drank water, people texted me i texted back, i sucked on a mint :D, i had break fast. I missed the last 10min of 1st hour all of 2nd hour and most of 3rd hour.
I changed back into my clothes and went to my 3rd hour for the last 15min of it. :/
So thats what happened on Wednesday. This was my first ever panic attack.
Ive never had that happen to me before. And i hated it!!!!
The rest fo the day i was terrified it was going to happene again.

yesterday (March 5th 2011)
I felt like i was going to have another one at any second. And i do not know why, D:

So i now hate my life even more.


So thats it for now.

**Star**

Sigh, This would have been more helpful earlier in life...

**JUST THE BOLD = how my middle school life literally was!!!**

I wish P!NK would have wrote or sang or came out with this song earlier when i needed this type of encouragement!!!
Dx stupid bitch, anyway!!! I do love this song though, so... here are the lyrics with a video.. (if it works)





Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright

Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They dont like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're fucking perfect to me
You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than fuckin' perfect
Pretty please, if you ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me....

Todays the 5th

So todays probably going to be the most depressing day out of the WHOLE month.
Today would have been four months. Todays was supposed to be a "Happy Four months Hon" and a "Happy Four months to you too"
Now its happy one month we've been broken up... :/
I guess you can say i am over him, but at the same time im not.
Theres always going to be a part of me thats going to long to be with him.
Even after ive gotten with some one new.
Though of course by then i might have a new focus in life, ahem, AKA i new guy to help distract me from him.

but again Doesnt mean i wont want to still be with him because, AGAIN there will always be some part of me that will always wanna be with him. But i try not to get guy distracted when in a relationship, thus why i like wearing somthing of theirs all the time.

For example: He gave me a bracelett with his name on it, (i would have known it was his with out the name but it helped)

ANYWAY!!!!

life is great life is grand life is hard, life is BLAND...
Ive had nothing but great remindances of the relationship i miss. Songs atleast.

lets see, Teenage Dream. A thousand Miles. So many more. I stoped listening and feel back to sleep each time.

This day is the most depressing day ever. I might just go to Kookies Party since my other option just went straight out the door thanks to his dad... :/

Anyway, thats all for this very very very depressin post.

**Star**

New Boy Rule

I now have a new guy rule. First come first serve.
What I mean is if I like more than one guy and they all like me back well the first guy that I've talked to for the longest is the first guy I'm gonna pursue.
I'm getting a wee bit tired of this "IDK WHO TO CHOOSE" type deal I have.
So far there are four guys I like three excluding one because I can't have him.
The first: kinda wins by a long shot because I've been talking to him for a while, we've been making plans to hang out and are FINALLY getting to them, and he was the first guy to make me smile the same way my ex did.
The second: isn't far behind because he actually goes to my school and I can see him everyday. And was the second guy to make me smile the same way my ex did.
The third: won't ever really catch up to the first guy only because of our age diff (3rd guy is older) and I'm not big on dating older guys right now and its nothing against HIM its just his age. Lol but because he's older I can see him during the weekends more often too.

Now a huge coincidence is from Friday to Sunday I have a day set to hang out with one of them each day.

Friday (tomorrow) I see guy number two all day at school then ill see him after school and at the school play. Haha :)
Saturday I see guy number one around 2pm at his work and I'm watching him be all awesome while he works. Then after he gets off we are gonna hang out also till idk when but sometime before 10pm Ik that much.
And guy number three I'm hanging out with on Sunday idk when till when and what we're gonna do.

So that's my weekend. Friday and Sunday are swell going to be my "catch up with math class" day too. Lol
You can tell guy number one is 'first come first served' cause I'm not dedicated math to his and mine day to hang out with each other. :)

I guess you can say when your friends brother (guy number one) and you start talking a bit. And after awhile start planning to see/meet with each other. Then before you guys even meet and see each other for the first time he agrees to going to the ROTC dance then well of course he's a first priority to fro over for a bf. Haha :)

Then well I'm not saying guys two and thee are back up guys cause Ik not a girl to go after rebound men. I'm more of a if one guy fails I'm going to get over that guy and at the same time get to know a different guy and try and make him wanna be with me.

That's more of what it is its really not that they're back-ups they're just the guys ill hope wouldn't mind waiting for me to he single is all. If not then well I guess they just ain't ever get a change to date me if they really want to.

Now I bet some are wondering, "well star. What if this rule of yours fails????" Well then I guess I'm SOL (Shit out of Luck) because then ill probably have to go in trial dates with all three to see how much I'd like to be with that guy.

Well tis all for this post ill have another up here soon.

**star**

PS. Yesterday in my first hour I had a panic attack. Details in another post sometime before the week ends.
(so details will he tomorrow Sat or Sun.)

So well, im back to my single self.

So I hate being single because there's nothing more I hate more than to know there are other guys out there. And once I realize this I tend to like more than one guy and I hate that because I would end up thinking that if into out with one the other won't like me anymore now will wanna wait to date me.

I seriously hate being single. I feel like I have to chose. I wish I was like Star Miller the main character in my book I wish I was like her. Date many guys and know right away whether or not they were boyfriend material for her or not....

I'm so sad in these situations and I feel pressured for the need to have to chose and I really don't want to have to choose. I'm completely helpless in this type of situation... please someone give me advice on this .... atleast I'm a tempting to date other people ...... sigh ..... I still need to get help on this how do j chose with out feeling like I didn't make a bad desicion I don't want it to seem like these guys are for me to chose from but actual humans that actually like Mr and possibly actually wanna be with me...

I think I'm simply dumb...


Is it bad that I still love my ex though? But I'm excepting that fact that I should move on and be happy with out the need of his help??

Ugh why is this so fucking confusing D':


I'm on the edge to tears I'm that confused.


Sigh...

That's all for now...

**Star**